Matt Levine, Columnist

Steve Cohen Will Be Back in 2018. That's Good.

And he'll be more compliant than ever.

January 8, 2016 at 10:45 PM UTC

Matt Levine is a Bloomberg Opinion columnist. A former investment banker at Goldman Sachs, he was a mergers and acquisitions lawyer at Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz; a clerk for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit; and an editor of Dealbreaker.

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Here's a simple model of Steve Cohen:

In this cold dark time of year, when hedge funds are constantly being criticized, losing money and shutting down, it is heartening to remember that there's at least one hedge-fund manager with a multi-decade record of consistent outperformance, and frustrating to remember that no one can invest with him. Come back, Steve Cohen! An embattled industry needs you.