Top 7 Excuses From the White House Fence Jumper Report

If we learned anything from the 10-page executive summary of the Department of Homeland Security's "Report on the White House Incursion Incident of September 19, 2014," which was released Thursday and chronicles the step-by-step mistakes made by the Secret Service that allowed a hatchet-wielding Oscar Gonzalez to hop a perimeter fence and make his way deep inside the president's home and office, it is that everyone is human.

Humans, as we know, are too obsessed with their cell phones. And while we are obsessing over our cell phones, we make too many assumptions. What follows is a list of unwise assumptions, out-of-whack priorities, and miscommunications between Man and Man's best friend. Basically, excuses for how a man who had been monitored by the police and the Secret Service for months prior to the incident, could scale a the White House fence and make it all the way inside the 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.