Shotgun Marriages Raise Risk of New Bank Blowups: Mark Gilbert If the aftermath of the credit crunch is a financial landscape featuring fewer banks, each even bigger than before because of government-engineered mergers and opportunistic takeovers of weaker brethren, then we should all be very afraid. That, though, is exactly where we are headed.

Hedge-Fund Guy Points Toward Z-Shaped Recovery: Mark Gilbert Dear investor, our statutory obligations demand that we update you on how well we’ve taken care of your money here at Coin-Toss Investment Management.

Band-Aids Won’t Fix Bank Ailments Fit for Surgery: Mark Gilbert Governments are trying to remedy the ills of the global financial system with a series of salves, Band-Aids and bandages. Instead, they should be reaching for their policy scalpels and cutting deep. Here are some surgical suggestions for more radical change.

Bond Market Gags on Relentless Economic Hurrah: Mark Gilbert Rip van Bondtrader peered through sleep-caked eyes at the Bloomberg terminal at his bedside, his neurons firing drowsily as the ping of an alarm combined with a flashing box to pierce his quiescence. “Ten-Year Treasury Yield Breaches 3.7 Percent,” the flickering message said.

Dollar Is Dirt, Treasuries Are Toast, AAA Is Gone: Mark Gilbert The odds on the dollar, Treasury bonds and the U.S. government’s AAA grade all heading for the dumpster are shortening.

Fresh Flesh Runs Screaming as Zombie Banks Drool: Mark Gilbert Here they come, with their staring eyes and outstretched arms, moaning incoherently and clutching at the air, teeth gnashing uncontrollably as their insatiable appetite for fresh flesh drives them forward. The zombie banks are demanding to be let back into the financial mall so they can pillage the global markets anew.

Stress Test Scores ‘C’ If Name Ends in ‘itigroup’: Mark Gilbert Tomorrow, the U.S. authorities are scheduled to disclose the methodology for the stress tests that will gauge the creditworthiness of the 19 largest U.S. banks. Below are a few examples of the kinds of searching, penetrating questions the Treasury Department should ask. Some sections have point scores. Others will be judged more subjectively.

Deflation Says Buy Bonds; Supply Flood Says Sell: Mark Gilbert The global economy is falling off a cliff, central banks are slashing policy rates, so everyone and her cat should move what’s left of their incredible shrinking cash piles into the can’t-be-beaten security of government bonds.

‘McBritain’ Almost Twice as Risky as McDonald's: Chart of Day Investing in U.K. government debt is almost twice as risky as buying bonds sold by McDonald’s Corp., based on prices in the credit-default swap market.

Financial Darwinists Must Applaud Debt-Cost Jump: Mark Gilbert Take an official U.S. recession, stir in a collapse in profits, add a fistful of higher borrowing costs for companies and you have a recipe for global economic disaster. Season with lashings of tasteless central bank cash.