Roget's Opportunity Fund

There's a theory being floated by a certain nonaccredited investor that an inverse correlation exists between a hedge fund's returns and the length of its year-end letter. In other words: the worse the returns, the longer the letter.

We'll leave it to some idle academic to compile the data to confirm this thesis, but one thing's for sure: Last year was a lousy one for a lot of funds, and so this week we were treated to so many gloriously garrulous mea culpas that it would surely put a smile on the face of Pete Roget himself.

For sure, the old guard has seen better days. Nowhere was that more obvious than in the most important news event of the week: the debate. And by debate, of course, we're talking about the back-and-forth insult volley between hedge-fund scamp turned pharma scamp Martin Shkreli and rapper Ghostface Killah. It's hard to tell what Shkreli was thinking by making this threatening video seen on TMZ. Maybe it was just for the comedy, but it also makes one wonder if he may be attempting suicide by rapper.

What's uncomfortable, however, is that this brazen millennial poked at a generational sore spot surely being felt by us Gen Xers everywhere, whether it be trading rooms or newsrooms or rap rooms, when he told Mr. Killah: "At the end of the day, I'm very sorry for you. You're an old man. You're an old man that's lost his relevance. And you're trying to reclaim the spotlight from my spotlight." Let's hope that when Shkreli gets past his current legal troubles he will get to work on a pill for those of us with Chronic Gen X Inadequacy Syndrome.