How It Became Taboo to Tell Your Kid ‘Good Job’
Praising children’s effort, not their outcome or ability, has become a parenting rule. It’s a sign of data-driven advice going too far.
Great job! Or, uh, good effort?
Photographer: Chris Hondros/Getty ImagesWhen I was a kid, you heard “Good job” quite a lot. Successful double in little league? “Good job!” 93% on a math test? “Good job!” In contrast, the phrase “Good effort” was reserved for … lesser things. You struck out but … you tried hard. That’s a good effort, but not a good job.
The world of child praise has, however, shifted dramatically. Saying “Good job” has approached taboo status. The social media accounts of parenting experts are rife with advice to avoid this type of praise, in all its forms — no “Amazing!” or “You’re so smart.” Instead, we’re encouraged to applaud effort, not achievement: “It’s great to hear you worked hard on that.” Often, parents are told that it’s better to say nothing at all.