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Shira Ovide

Prime Day Doesn't Matter. Amazon Says So.

There's the sound and the fury, of course, followed by that signifying nothing detail.
Photographer: Brian Ach/Getty Images for Amazon

I am giving you permission: You can safely ignore Amazon's Prime Day, the annual fake shopping holiday Jeff Bezos invented two years ago.

True to form, Amazon released a crush of mostly useless statistics about the "success" of its invented holiday. Prime Day 2017 was the "biggest global shopping event in Amazon history." Prime Day couldn't even be contained by the boundaries of a single Earth day; it was 30 hours. The event "grew by more than 60 percent" compared with the same 30-hour stretch in 2016. What exactly does it mean that an "event" grew by more than 60 percent from the same fake event last year? Is that number of items available or sold? Revenue? Amazon doesn't say.