Eric Schneiderman, Wall Street Time-Machine Sheriff

If you are an ambitious candidate for Sheriff of Wall Street, a problem you face is that, on the one hand, you need to tell everyone about how you are going after evil guys in order to level the playing field for ordinary investors, but, on the other hand, that is a very very tired metaphor. New York Attorney General and high-speed-trading data crusader Eric Schneiderman is up to the challenge:

I but what? Why? Part of the difficulty is that everything everyone does in the financial markets is about getting some advantage over their competitors, but the misbehavior he's going after -- high-speed leaks of economic data -- confers that advantage for only a couple of milliseconds. "To put it in terms of a race, these guys are starting the race five one-thousandths of a second before the gun goes off" doesn't exactly inspire terror.* "To put it in terms of a race, these guys are supergluing their competitors' feet to the starting blocks, then sawing their legs off and hopping in a Ferrari to drive to the finish line." I don't know, embellish his metaphor at your leisure, he will.