Beware the Sentimental In-Flight Movie

Flight: JFK to BCN
Carrier: Delta Air Lines
Time: 7 hrs., 15 min.
Price: $2,208
Miles: 3,819
Dollar per mile: $0.58

I arrived at my gate wracked by anxiety. I was charging to Spain on a one-night-only journey to watch the dazzling Barcelona Football Club. As any air-mile connoisseur can confirm, this kind of blitzkrieg mission requires a reservoir of stamina that can be guaranteed only by an unbroken night of slumber. Hence, business class. Yet since Ambien, the sophisticate's choice of sleeping aid, leaves me punch-drunk, I was banking on Delta's service to render me unconscious the old-school way—with a hearty meal, cinematic tranquilizer, and steady stream of Islay malts. I had planned on starting my mission in the Delta (DAL) business lounge, but the crusty bottle of crème de menthe on the courtesy bar appeared an empty promise.

Once inside the no-thrills cabin, I took my seat for the dramatic yet discomforting boarding ritual: the March of the Coach Class, in which economy passengers are herded through the business cabin into the bowels of the aircraft like refugees—and those of us in the premium seats are forced to look them dead in the eye. After the faux luxury of a moist towelette and cheap glass of champagne had been dispensed, I began to focus on the task at hand. I familiarized myself with my seat—a snug La-Z-Boy in the sky that invited extraordinary positional experimentation without granting true comfort.