Chuck Norris Feeds His Vampire Squid $100 Bills: Mark Gilbert

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A series of jokes uses the actor Chuck Norris, martial artist and star of the television program “Walker, Texas Ranger,” as a paragon of omnipotence. “Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people,” goes one. “Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet, water gets Chuck Norris,” goes another.

Similar thinking can be applied to financial markets. Here, then, is an update of financial issues recast as Chuck’s world.