You all need to just chill out a little. Seriously.
Bitcoin took a hit over the last few days because of China. That has cryptocurrency markets in a panic. But if we channel the deeper sentiment of the true believers, even a massive crackdown on initial coin offerings won't be enough to upset a trajectory they're convinced can't be derailed:
It'll all be fine. If anything, you should worry about ether, because that's the currency that underpins most initial coin offerings. But even then, don't sweat it.
Bitcoin is still going to overthrow the system. Get rid of all those central banks. Do away with fiat currencies. They're already dead men walking, anyway. It's just a matter of time. Ether's ethereum technology is going to revolutionize smart contracts and do away with banks, and lawyers and all those bloodsuckers who just wanna steal our money and line their own pockets.
China said ICOs are illegal, and all those projects now need to return the funds they raised. That's just a hiccup, it won't stop us. Some guy wrote this week that it's all about preserving social order. Come on, we all know it's about preserving the corrupt global industrial-political system. But we crypto revolutionaries can't be defeated.
The rise of cryptocurrencies will herald the new world order, taking back control from the elites. And they don't want ICOs to succeed because it cuts vampire squid out of the action. There's $139 billion in crypto right now, that's money they want for themselves.
Sure, perhaps "ICOs are the new Nigerian Prince scam. They offer you to get rich, they just need some of your money up front, and all your dreams will come true!"
Maybe some people need to lose a lot of money before we all get rich. They're just fools anyway, bought the wrong coin. Who cares if there are some victims if we eventually hit Lambo parity, right? Then we can show those bankers who's boss. We'll be driving down main street in our Lamborghinis while they sit recharging their Teslas.
So what if bitcoin is down 15 percent in the last two days. Ethereum dropped 20 percent in a day, IOTA and NEO are down more than 30 percent in the past 24 hours. Let 'em fall, man. Another 30 percent, another 50 percent. Let it go all the way to the bottom, we'll just buy up more. The lower they go, the more we're gonna buy. Fundamentals don't matter, this is the future. Don't you see?
Buy with what, you ask. Our fiat currency. Pour our greenbacks and our euros and our Chinese yuan into all the bitcoin and ether we can. Doesn't matter if we sold out all our hard currencies last year, we can just borrow.
Some bank's gonna lend USD to buy BTC and ETH, no doubt, because they're greedy, too. And if they don't, we'll just start an ICO to raise more coin. Don't ask what it's gonna be backed by, doesn't matter.
Forget about business models and product development and all that old-school talk. That's ancient history. We're all gonna get rich.
This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Bloomberg LP and its owners.
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Matthew Brooker at firstname.lastname@example.org