And we’re down to the Elite 8, when most people’s brackets are busted beyond all hope. Did you think that Elon Musk’s futurist spiel would help him best the world’s richest man (human poop, 1; hyperloop, 0)? Or maybe you thought a chill Target employee propelled to fame by a well-meaning stalker could take it all the way? These eight are the queens and kings of their divisions, and now it’s up to you to decide whether you want a tech man, a billionaire, a murderous president, or one of the other five candidates to be crowned champion.
Earlier: Round 1 | Round 2 | Round 3
Bill Gates vs. Warren Buffett
Tech stars today burn bright and fast—coders become app creators, app creators become CEOs, and CEOs become millionaires, and millionaires are one a dozen to bloggers. But, like Microsoft Office, Gates is still relevant despite the haters (Apple), the imitators (Google Docs), and the innovation pretenders (human poop, 1; hyperloop, 0). He’s also $12 billion richer than Buffett. At the same time, if Buffett, the world’s most successful investor and second richest man, decided to bet on himself in some fictional election, he’d probably have his reasons.
Frank Underwood vs. Tina Fey
If, as Bill Clinton recently said, “House of Cards” is 99 percent accurate, then it makes sense that Frank Underwood would best the Notorious RBG. But Tina Fey’s life story is also full of surprises—she became the first female head writer at Saturday Night Live, and managed to make a show about women being kidnapped by a religious fanatic and held hostage for 15 years funny and uplifting. Fey also has a ready-made campaign slogan: “Tina Fey: Never Made Out with a Hot Dog, Not Even One Time.”
David Beckham vs. Jon Stewart
David Beckham bested a bracket of record-breaking legends and champions. Jon Stewart is the star of Comedy Central’s most well-known show, beloved by liberals and comedy buffs across the world. The question is: Who has the most crossover appeal? Fans are mourning Stewart’s retirement from “The Daily Show,” but how many of them saw “Rosewater,” which has only grossed a little over $3 million? Beckham has soccer fans, underwear campaign fans, and the vote of all the Gen Xers who can still sing “Spice Up Your Life” by heart.
Sally Draper vs. Pope Francis
Francis is the voice of a Church, the carrier of a centuries-old tradition. Sally is the voice of a generation of disaffected Baby Boomers raised by distant parents. And yet, she managed to destroy the “Millennial and Under” bracket, besting today’s real (and fictional) young folks. Maybe we shouldn’t be surprised—she’s outlasted four Bobby Drapers—but we kind of expected an actual millennial to come out on top. But now we see that Sally is the ur-millennial, an icon for angsty pre-teens who’ll someday graduate from college and take up a white-collar job. Francis has the Catholic vote but, blessedly, doesn’t seem to have the killer instinct necessary to destroy his political enemies.