We began with the theory that no issue can’t be resolved with a bracket, and we are even more convinced now. We added an absurdly diverse list of Americans, and asked you which would make the best president. Only 32 have advanced from the first round. Left behind are the upsets, like Chris Rock, who everyone at Bloomberg Politics predicted would at least make the Final Four. The guy who made Meerkat also lost, even though he was the shiniest new thing in bracket, shinier than baby Blue Ivy Carter. Her mom, Beyonce, scored the biggest win with nearly 94 percent of the vote, though you have to attribute at least part of that to Kim Kardashian's overwhelming negatives. Elon Musk was also extremely strong at 84 percent against the founder of Uber, and now faces the founder of Amazon. Let's see how close he, and everyone else, can get to the White House.
Bill Gates vs. Sheryl Sandberg
Sheryl Sandberg displayed deep bureaucratic mojo in vanquishing her Facebook boss, Mark Zuckerberg. But for all his vast audience and bank account that it provides, 30-year-old Zuck is a bit wet behind the ears compared to her. Gates, once the biggest baddest predator in the digital world, has mad skills, but lately his good works, and his surprising optimism, have combined with his on-the-spectrum goofiness to produce, well, a surprisingly strong opponent. It will be a battle of the smiles. But what’s behind them?
Elon Musk vs. Jeff Bezos
Elon Musk launched himself with Paypal, and now lives in a future of his own imagining: space rockets, self-driving cars, worries about what will happen when machines are exponentially smarter than we are. Jeff Bezos’s future is more quotidian, a Republic of logistics, delivery drones carrying everything you might desire to your doorstep in 30 minutes or less. Which future do you want to live in?
Warren Buffett vs. Howard Schultz
To be blunt, Buffett is a bonafide sage, the Oracle of Omaha, the dispenser of pure, uncut omniscience in annual letters to shareholders. Schultz is essentially a sloganeer. But it’s hard to argue that, while Buffett has certainly made himself a vast amount of money, Schultz has already changed America, by caffeinating it with a beverage that is so much better than what we’d drank before.
Alice Walton vs. Lucious Lyon
Alice Walton barely squeaked by against another dynastic scion—albeit one, Neil Bush, with nowhere near the bank-account zeros. For a tycoon, Lyon has mid-level money—and BTW—ALS. But he’s built a dynasty, rather than inherited one, and he takes a self-made man's genuine joy in exercising his power—even over his kids.
Frank Underwood vs. Daenerys Targaryen
America agrees that Washington is broken, but who would actually, literally break it? President Khaleesi is a scary thought—and not just because she will have a three dragons camped out in the Rose Garden. What will she think of this "Supreme Court" that can overrule her? What about these "states" that want "rights"? You know what's not as exciting as blazing thousands of ice zombies marching south to destroy life as we know it? Everything that happens in Washington. Which brings us back to Underwood: A president who will love his job and keep things basically where they are.
Preet Bharara vs. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
A New York City Classic: Brooklyn or Manhattan? When he needed a new Attorney General, Obama overlooked Bharara, the unbreakable U.S. Attorney based in Manhattan, in favor of the one based in Brooklyn. Ruth Bader Ginsburg was born in Brooklyn, and brings that attitude to everything she does. Has America had enough of Brooklyn? Let's decide right here, right now.
Tina Fey vs. Angelina Jolie
This one is something of a study in opposites. One career exploded with Girl, Interrupted, the other with Mean Girls. One performs mainly serious roles, the other mainly comic ones. One almost always plays sex symbols; the other, ladies who wear glasses that disqualify them from sex symbolhood. They have one thing in common, though: Both have had articles written in Vanity Fair about their smarts that were accompanied by (tastefully) sexy photo spreads.
Beyonce vs. Neil Patrick Harris
Here in America, we have free elections—do not let fear of the Beygency have any bearing on this decision. Beyonce is a beautiful human being with a wonderful voice. According to the set design at the VMAs, she is a feminist. If your heart is telling you to vote for her, by all means, go for it. But NPH is a worthy candidate who came back—against all odds—from former child star has-been territory. Don't try to vote based on cuteness of family Instagrams. It's a wash.
Bud Selig vs. David Beckham
Selig's credentials are legendary: He has been the guardian of America's Pastime since 1992. Beckham's service to America adds up to the five years he agreed to play soccer here for the L.A. Galaxy, minus the months he spent back in Europe "on loan" during that time. Here's the thing about Selig: He is boring, but he never lost a championship game to a team called "Real Salt Lake."
Serena Williams vs. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
No one in this bracket knows how to win better than these two. Both are living legends, with Serena still reigning as the top-ranked female tennis player in the world. Kareem is playing a different game these days by writing for publications like Time, Esquire, and Jacobin, which—perhaps crucially to this matchup—is a quarterly journal of socialist thought.
Megyn Kelly vs. Jon Stewart Megyn Kelly just told Ted Cruz that, as president, “You can’t just be someone who stops things.” Her gift for speaking uncomfortable truths is transforming Fox News, and just as its biggest enemy—Jon Stewart—is leaving his bully pulpit because he was "slightly restless." Hmmm.
Arianna Huffington vs. Jill Abramson They’re both women who’ve reached the pinnacle of the media business, and they both have amazing, unmistakable, highly imitable accents (though exactly how Abramson got hers is something of a mystery.) But the choice here couldn’t be starker—between fuzzy, new-age optimist, and tough-talking, wisecracking skeptic.
Sally Draper vs. Lena Dunham Both have personalities that are strongly defined by difficulties in their New York childhoods. Both are the children of successful creatives. Both have demonstrated strong leadership skills, Dunham by creating and starring in a successful HBO series and Draper by sneaking boys into boarding school. Examining the potential first husbands, there's champion hipster Jack Antonoff of the very fun band fun. on Team Dunham, and suburban deviant teen Glen Bishop of Ossining on Team Draper. Advantage Draper.
Blue Ivy vs. Alex from Target Before Alex, Target was just a cooler version of Walmart. That’s still the case, but now Tumblr teens can hold on to the hope that their Target cashier will make them go “YOOOOOOOOOOO.” Still, Blue Ivy is probably the most famous and well-liked Generation Z kid in the world, with the best parent-advisers a baby can ask for.
Pope Francis vs. Leslie Knope Yes, Pope vs. Knope was planned. Leslie Knope is the ideal bureaucrat—someone inspired by the good works of government, and dedicated to promoting the public good. Pope Francis has been a fairly ideal pope, especially for people with more liberal social views. Knope was eventually recalled, but Francis is still the pope, despite grumblings from people who’d prefer a father of the Church who thinks people should breed like rabbits.
Edward Snowden vs. Kimmy Schmidt The difference between Schmidt and Snowden is that we know that the former’s story has a happy ending. Most people would rather binge-watch Kimmy’s misadventures in New York City than read about the guy who’s in Russia dodging U.S. prosecution for leaking documents about invasive government spying programs. You’ll more than likely be able to binge watch the second season of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt before Snowden—there’s no Netflix in Putin’s country.
The Media Bracket
The Millennial and Under Bracket
The Wildcard Bracket
