A surprising amount of icons have already fallen. The man who invented online shopping. The woman who owned daytime talk until she decided to start her own network. America’s most influential teen, America’s most influential brothers, and the Dalai Lama himself, who lost in the first round. Sixteen potential presidents remain, all with some serious pros and nagging cons. Who can go all the way? Who do you want to go all the way? The champion will be crowned on Monday, April 6, but this will get us very nearly there.
Bill Gates vs. Elon Musk
Bill Gates's greatest business accomplishments were thanks to his gifts as a take-no-prisoners almost-monopolist. Now he has a goofball sunniness, as he flies around giving away his billions, sometimes sipping water made from human poop. Elon Musk is the futurist of the moment, a mad genius like, say, Howard Hughes, if not David Bowie in “The Man Who Fell To Earth.” Both, almost definitionally, are optimists. Has Gates terminally mellowed, or does he still have the hunger to conquer and dominate? Can Elon Musk really build the future he spends so much time talking about?
Warren Buffett vs. Lucious Lyon
The conventional economic wisdom is that a company can't simply keep growing exponentially forever—size changes things. But Warren Buffet's Berkshire Hathaway has tested this law, which is why, unlikely as a Buffet presidency would seem at this point, it's difficult to vote against him. And yet, the Lucious Lyon empire grew from a drug operation out of a garage in Philly to a major record label and publicly traded company (and also a magazine, a club, and a champagne). Lyon—spoiler alert—conquered all in the first season of "Empire." Voting against him hasn’t paid off yet.
Frank Underwood vs. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Mr. House of Cards is on the hottest streak of this tournament: first, he defeated one of the most vulgar, aggressive men in politics (Rahm Emanuel), then the last living member of House Targaryen, a family whose motto is "Fire and Blood." Ginsburg beat two of the most respected public servants in the nation—and without making a big show of it. This is a battle of brute force versus dutiful jurisprudence. Which is more American?
Tina Fey vs. Neil Patrick Harris
Fey was SNL's very first female head writer and is rumored to be working on a “Mean Girls” musical with her husband, Jeff Richmond. Neil Patrick Harris just won a Tony for his performance in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” and has beaten Chris Rock and Beyonce (Beyonce!) to get to this point in the tournament, a fact that still has jaws on the floor at Bloomberg HQ. Both candidates have the potential to EGOT someday, which is a big deal to anyone who knows what that is. Whoever loses will still have more entertainment power in their left femur than most of this bracket combined.
David Beckham vs. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Beckham certainly looks more presidential, especially since his tattoos are not visible in a suit. But who could convince you that the whole idea of presidential-ness is unfit for this great nation? The more important question may be impossible to decide: Should the commander-in-chief bend it like Beckham, or sky hook it like Kareem?
Jon Stewart vs. Arianna Huffington
These liberal giants built empires in entirely different ways. Huff is everywhere, all at once, 24-7, yet still there’s time for yoga and naps. Stewart saves up his power for a daily, 23-minute burst of television gold. One countered Drudge when no one else would, the other savaged Fox News at the height of its power. Who did America need more?
Sally Draper vs. Alex From Target
It's too bad that these two live in completely different eras, and one is fictional. They'd make the ultimate high school power couple, seeing as they already rule Tumblr individually. Sally has taken down the dynamo songstress Ariana Grande and hipster standard-bearer Lena Dunham, proving she has the the steely competitive edge to take this all the way. Alex's softspoken charm and "aw shucks" demeanor belies a political mastermind at work. He's managed to best possibly the nation's most influential teenager (Tavi Gevinson), and undoubtedly most influential baby (Blue Ivy Carter).
Pope Francis vs. Kimmy Schmidt
The approval ratings of these two are off the charts, in no small part because of each's determination to make the world a better place after years of working in the trenches (including the literal trench that Kimmy inhabited until she was freed from a cult leader's bunker). The Pope has crucial executive experience, though he is dropping hints that he's thinking about retirement. Kimmy Schmidt has a 7th-grade education, but seems electrified by every new challenge.