Lil Wayne LaPierre's NRA Gangster Rap

Wayne LaPierre understands that violence makes for beautiful music.
NRA, NWA -- close enough. Photographer: John Gress/Getty Images

I'm looking for an old-school, old-neighborhood -- heck, just plain old -- rapper with a really nasty side. No touchy-feely new kids need apply.

You have to be able to deliver lyrics that have the right combination of menacing psychosis and cynical exploitation. (I wouldn't call the balance "delicate" exactly, but whatever.) Try out these lyrics I wrote:

We know that in the world that surrounds us
There are terrorists, home invaders,
drug cartels, carjackers, "knockout" gamers, rapers,
haters, campus killers,
airport killers, shopping mall killers,
and killers who scheme to destroy our country
with massive storms of violence
against our power grids
or vicious waves of chemicals or disease that could collapse as a society that sustains us all.

OK, maybe I didn't write all those words. Maybe I just copied them from Wacky Wayne LaPierre's speech today at the National Rifle Association. But that's the good news. If you know how to put violence porn to music, there's plenty more where these lyrics came from. Wayne gives a lot of speeches.

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