After the playoffs, pastime-deprived Americans may need retail therapy. (And after buying this stuff, perhaps real therapy as well.)

After the playoffs, pastime-deprived Americans may need retail therapy. (And after buying this stuff, perhaps real therapy as well.)

Bizarre Baseball Paraphernalia

Wild Pitches
Wild Pitches

After the playoffs, pastime-deprived Americans may need retail therapy. (And after buying this stuff, perhaps real therapy as well.)

Bar stools made from used  bases
Bar stools made from used  bases

$950: Knock back a couple and slide into this head first.

Tobacco-less chewing tobacco
Tobacco-less chewing tobacco

$2.95: Chaw like a pro, minus the mouth cancer!

Vegan baseball glove
Vegan baseball glove

$300: Meager consolation if the ball is still leather. (Many supposedly vegan gloves don’t qualify because of the wool lining.)

 Cuff links made from used baseballs
Cuff links made from used baseballs

$170 per pair: Baseball’s version of money for old rope.

Baseball dog bowls
Baseball dog bowls

$15.99: Official tagline: “America’s favorite sport meets everyone’s favorite pet.”

Red Sox toilet paper
Red Sox toilet paper

$12.75: Works to wipe away tears, too.

Baseball Snuggie
Baseball Snuggie

$19.50: Better to be caught doing steroids than wearing this.

 A-Rod cuddly plush toy
A-Rod cuddly plush toy

$21.99: Baby’s first random drug test not included.

Baseball field rug
Baseball field rug

$135.99: 100% acrylic field of dreams.

Baseball rosary
Baseball rosary

$19.80: For use in the bottom of the ninth. ­(Accompanying miracles, free)

Team-logo toaster
Team-logo toaster

$34.99: Speaking of miracles ...

Defunct  stadium seats
Defunct stadium seats

$1,499 for two: Watch from the discomfort of your own home.

Jose Reyes Cabernet
Jose Reyes Cabernet

$13.99: Don't drink and line-drive.

Baseball wine  stopper
Baseball wine stopper

$10: Because you’re never going to finish your Jose Reyes Cab.

Funeral wreath
Funeral wreath

About $500: For those who take losses very, very badly.

Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga

Price N/A

Baseball  garden gnome
Baseball garden gnome

$21.99: George Steinbrenner would have made him shave that off.

Hitting-coach Jesus
Hitting-coach Jesus

$24.95: Our Lord looks suspiciously like Brian Wilson of San Francisco.