The multibillion-dollar festival season exposes America for what it is: a nation that loves its cow turds, turkey testicles, and amateur porn. There are more than 25,000 U.S. Festivals each year, according to Festival Media.

The multibillion-dollar festival season exposes America for what it is: a nation that loves its cow turds, turkey testicles, and amateur porn. There are more than 25,000 U.S. Festivals each year, according to Festival Media.

No Fetish Unexploited

There's a Festival for Everyone
There's a Festival for Everyone

The multibillion-dollar festival season exposes America for what it is: a nation that loves its cow turds, turkey testicles, and amateur porn. There are more than 25,000 U.S. Festivals each year, according to Festival Media.

Cotati  Accordion  Festival
Cotati Accordion Festival

Cotati, Calif.
The favored instrument of Nixon, Gandhi, and Drew Carey gets its due Aug. 20-21.

Potato Days
Potato Days

Barnesville, Minn.
Choose amongst Miss Tator Tot Contest, potato sack fashion show, and masher sculpting Aug. 26-27.

Flax Scutching Festival
Flax Scutching Festival

Stahlstown, Pa.
Because linen does not just make itself, Sept. 10-11.

Toy Piano  Festival
Toy Piano Festival

San Diego
Aspiring Schroeders pack the house to pound on tiny pianos on Sept. 3.

Coon Dog  Cemetery Labor Day  Celebration
Coon Dog Cemetery Labor Day Celebration

Tuscumbia, Ala.
Booze it up on hunting-dog graves, Sept. 5.

Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw and Festival
Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw and Festival

Prairie du Sac, Wis.
The Olympics of cow pie chucking, Sept. 2-3

World Chicken  Festival
World Chicken Festival

London, Ky.
Not one, but two burping contests on Sept. 22-25.

Beef-a-Rama
Beef-a-Rama

Minocqua, Wis.
The commemorative T-shirt alone is worth the trip, Sept. 24

Poison Oak  Show
Poison Oak Show

Columbia, Calif.
Enter to win “Best Photo of a Poison Oak Victim,” Sept. 24.

Festival  of the Dead
Festival of the Dead

Salem, Mass.
Talk to deceased loved ones via real-life witches throughout October.

RoadKill  Cook-Off
RoadKill Cook-Off

Marlinton, W. Va.
Forget organic. Think fricasseed wabbit gumbo, Sept. 24.

Wizard of Oz Festival
Wizard of Oz Festival

Chesterton, Ind.
Brunch with real live Munchkins, Sept. 16-18.

Banner Elk Wooly Worm Festival Banner
Banner Elk Wooly Worm Festival Banner

Elk, N.C.
Caterpillars forecast winter, Oct. 15-16.

Fantasy Fest
Fantasy Fest

Key West, Fla.
XXX thespians Bre Olson and Ron Jeremy are among the hosts, Oct. 21-30.

HUMP! Amateur  Pornography Festival
HUMP! Amateur Pornography Festival

Seattle
“The Oscars with Orgasms,” or so they say on Nov. 4-5.

Arkansas Annual Bean Fest & Championship  Outhouse Races
Arkansas Annual Bean Fest & Championship Outhouse Races

Mountain View, Ark.
Who has the fastest privy in the Ozarks? Find out Oct. 28-29.

Barktoberfest
Barktoberfest

Nashville
A costume party for dogs and “their people,” on Oct. 22.

Turkey Testicle Festival
Turkey Testicle Festival

Huntley, Ill.
Before munching, apply lots of Tabasco on Nov. 23.