Prince William's fiancée, Kate Middleton, has a face that launched a thousand tschotskes. Crown Jewels condoms, Kate and Wills Meat Pies, and a refrigerator featuring Mario Testino's official engagement photo are but a few of the tacky products bearing the princess-to-be's likeness ahead of the Royal wedding on April 29. In comparison to regal marriages of yore, which were artful political tools used to balance power between ruling dynasties, the modern royal wedding appears to be a singular crass yet lucrative business opportunity. Economists project that once the newlyweds trot down the aisle, over $1.6 billion will have been injected into the British economy. But laugh all your want: a Charles and Diana ceremonial bottle of champagne is listed on eBay for a whopping $1,500.
Prince William's fiancée, Kate Middleton, has a face that launched a thousand tschotskes. Crown Jewels condoms, Kate and Wills Meat Pies, and a refrigerator featuring Mario Testino's official engagement photo are but a few of the tacky products bearing the princess-to-be's likeness ahead of the Royal wedding on April 29. In comparison to regal marriages of yore, which were artful political tools used to balance power between ruling dynasties, the modern royal wedding appears to be a singular crass yet lucrative business opportunity. Economists project that once the newlyweds trot down the aisle, over $1.6 billion will have been injected into the British economy. But laugh all your want: a Charles and Diana ceremonial bottle of champagne is listed on eBay for a whopping $1,500.

Mementos Fit (or not) for a Royal Wedding

A Royal Money Maker
A Royal Money Maker
Prince William's fiancée, Kate Middleton, has a face that launched a thousand tschotskes. Crown Jewels condoms, Kate and Wills Meat Pies, and a refrigerator featuring Mario Testino's official engagement photo are but a few of the tacky products bearing the princess-to-be's likeness ahead of the Royal wedding on April 29. In comparison to regal marriages of yore, which were artful political tools used to balance power between ruling dynasties, the modern royal wedding appears to be a singular crass yet lucrative business opportunity. Economists project that once the newlyweds trot down the aisle, over $1.6 billion will have been injected into the British economy. But laugh all your want: a Charles and Diana ceremonial bottle of champagne is listed on eBay for a whopping $1,500.
Kiss me Kate Ale
Kiss me Kate Ale
$3.50 per bottle

Don’t fool yourself. Royals drink Veuve.
Harry and Kate Cup
Harry and Kate Cup
$16

A mug with the wrong royal brother for major collectors.

Wedding Ashtray
Wedding Ashtray
$8

Tap out your ash on the newlyweds (the horror!)
Kate Vinyl Doll
Kate Vinyl Doll
$195

Only 5,000 of these future heirlooms are ­available.
iPhone Apps
iPhone Apps
Free

A gold mine of images, factoids, and trivia.
Meat Pie
Meat Pie
$3.50 per pie

Made with beef, bacon, wine, and brandy.
Pez Dispensers
Pez Dispensers
Being auctioned on eBay. Proceeds will go to a royal-supported charity
<em>The Royal Wedding for Dummies</em>
The Royal Wedding for Dummies

$10


An “if you’re going” guide to the ­festivities
Masks
Masks
$4.75 each

The entire royal family is available. Camilla is included. Fergie is not
Dog Shirt
Dog Shirt
$36

Even your pooch can get in on the celebration
Cell Phone
Cell Phone
$8 monthly plan

The ringtone: God Save the Queen
Knock-Off Dress
Knock-Off Dress
$150

A replica of Kate’s ­engagement frock.
Cuff Links
Cuff Links
$25

Cuffs ‘N’ Collars’ contribution to the young-lust frenzy
Crown Jewel ­Condoms
Crown Jewel ­Condoms
$8 for three

Heritage sheaths of distinction
Knit Your Own Royal Wedding
Knit Your Own Royal Wedding
$11

What better way to kill time between now and Apr. 29?
Commemorative Fridge
Commemorative Fridge
Price based on model

The photo is arguably improved by the water dispenser
Press-On Nails
Press-On Nails
$24

A hard-core crown-watcher favorite
Toilet Seat Cover
Toilet Seat Cover
$16

A rather ­unroyal take on the “throne”