Call it the day that Wallace cried: On Monday, an American super-athlete beat the British by scrambling madly down a hill to capture a rolling wheel of cheese.
Kenny Rackers, a 27-year-old Army vet and football player according to the Colorado Springs Independent, had the great honor of snaring the dairy at the annual cheese-chasing contest at Cooper's Hill, a perilous downslope just east of the city of Gloucester. Rackers did so in the most patriotic way possible – dressed in a buttocks-hugging "morph suit" decorated like the Stars & Stripes. He annoyingly declined to chant "USA! USA!" during his victory interview with the Guardian, simply stating, "I came over specially for this and I did what I had to do to win."