If only Allstate insured Altamont

Allstate has a new campaign out today for its motorcycle insurance policies. We know that fear is the emotion that drives insurance sales. But is this one on-brand? In other words, would I be in

Allstate has a new campaign out today for its motorcycle insurance policies. We know that fear is the emotion that drives insurance sales. But is this one on-brand?

In other words, would I be in “good hands” with this hombre? I know the ad frightens me. But you got it mixed up, Allstate. It frightens me because I think Dean Akey would a) tell me I shouldn’t have busted up my hog in the first place, or b) tell me I should stop whining for handouts, or c) just wordlessly crack a pool cue over my back before awarding me an insurance claim. And is that an Iron Cross on his jacket?

We’ve all grown accustomed to Dennis Haysbert scaring the bejeesus out of us. But look how safe he is. He ran through startling house-fire and car-crash scenarios in that smooth, assured baritone of his. Maybe this new biker ad works “in the demo.” But biker fear doesn’t inspire me to buy insurance, or inspire confidence in Allstate’s agents. Instead it’s just an amusing contradiction, and doesn’t serve much purpose.