Leaked! Proceedings of the Flat Earth Society

By Tom Randall - 2013-07-03T17:12:34Z

Photograph by GK Hart/Vikki Hart

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Nothing Is Safer Than Gold

What could possibly go wrong with the price of gold? Never mind that its value is arbitrary, not based on any inherent utility, and fluctuates with the whims and fears of the investing public. 

The price of gold more than doubled during the global economic turmoil of the last five years, as investors sought security in one of the oldest inflation-protected investments. It’s true that gold prices tend to rise during uncertainty, but it’s only true while people believe it’s true; the price has fallen by a third in the past 12 months. 

Even though investments in canned fruits and vegetables have proven to be a pretty good hedge against inflation, as shown in this chart, the Flat Earth Society recommends continuing to stockpile gold. If society breaks down and currencies become worthless, the shininess of your gold will distract you from the can of fruit cocktail you wish you’d bought instead.  

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