So May 22 wasn't the end of the world. That means there's still time to
prepare for the handful of other rapture dates just around the corner. Here's a
look at everything you'll need to make your ascension a smooth ride
Freeze-Dried Culinary Delights
Eat Astronaut Space Food while you’re ascending through the ether. Neapolitan ice cream bars ($1.73 at nitro-pak.com) make a great snack before putting in face time with the Lord.
Natural Disaster Preparedness
Since the apocalypse is likely to begin with some natural disaster, EmergencyDude is the one-stop vendor for preparedness.
Eternal Data Storage
Harwich (Mass.) company You’ve Been Left Behind specializes in storing data for the saved and sending sensitive material to the right people. ($14.95 for 150 megabytes of storage)
Rapture Thrill Ride T-Shirt
There’s no need to lose your sense of humor while ascending. Look cool and stay funny with the Rapture Thrill Ride T-Shirt. ($26.95 at zazzle.com)
Apocalypse Storage Solutions
All My Sons Moving & Storage in Pensacola, Fla., is dedicated to helping Rapture-seekers store their effects for eternity. (Call 850 435-9000 for a consultation.)
The Emergency Space Blanket ($3.49, nitro-pak.com) fuses an array of high-tech metals and fibers to create a sturdy barrier against the stratosphere.
X-Ray Vision Machine
The compact, high-tech Prism 200c enables the Raptured to see through walls, clouds, whatever, en route to heaven. It also fits in Rapture-ready backpacks. (For prices, consult a local spyware dealer.)
Need to kill some time before you’re saved? How about the 16 novels in Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins’s Left Behind series. (Individual books cost $14.99 at Leftbehind.com; collectors’ sets may vary.)
Stay up to date on Rapture-related events—weird plague rumors, mysterious lightning bolts—with Rapture Ready Radio, the original Christian podcast. (Stream it live from rapturereadyradio.com.)
Rapture Ruckus is the coolest feel-good, God-inspired hip-hop from New Zealand ever. The band’s recently released album, Hold On, can be enjoyed for free on YouTube (GOOG).
Doomsday makes people randy. As the publisher of Apocalypse Sex ($4.99 at amazon.com) notes, “there is an intense kind of sex you can only have if you think it might be your last.”
Make it a quiet night with Jack and Rexella Van Impe’s timeless DVD classics such as Attack on Christian America, Animals in Heaven?, and The Big Ten: Religious Delusions, Distortions and Deceptions. ($24.95 for three at ioffer.com)