Mementos Fit (or not) for a Royal Wedding

  1. A Royal Money Maker
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    A Royal Money Maker

    Prince William's fiancée, Kate Middleton, has a face that launched a thousand tschotskes. Crown Jewels condoms, Kate and Wills Meat Pies, and a refrigerator featuring Mario Testino's official engagement photo are but a few of the tacky products bearing the princess-to-be's likeness ahead of the Royal wedding on April 29. In comparison to regal marriages of yore, which were artful political tools used to balance power between ruling dynasties, the modern royal wedding appears to be a singular crass yet lucrative business opportunity. Economists project that once the newlyweds trot down the aisle, over $1.6 billion will have been injected into the British economy. But laugh all your want: a Charles and Diana ceremonial bottle of champagne is listed on eBay for a whopping $1,500.
  2. Kiss me Kate Ale
    2

    Kiss me Kate Ale

    $3.50 per bottle

    Don’t fool yourself. Royals drink Veuve.
  3. Harry and Kate Cup
    3

    Harry and Kate Cup

    $16

    A mug with the wrong royal brother for major collectors.

  4. Wedding Ashtray
    4

    Wedding Ashtray

    $8

    Tap out your ash on the newlyweds (the horror!)
  5. Kate Vinyl Doll
    5

    Kate Vinyl Doll

    $195

    Only 5,000 of these future heirlooms are ­available.
  6. iPhone Apps
    6

    iPhone Apps

    Free

    A gold mine of images, factoids, and trivia.
  7. Meat Pie
    7

    Meat Pie

    $3.50 per pie

    Made with beef, bacon, wine, and brandy.
  8. Pez Dispensers
    8

    Pez Dispensers

    Being auctioned on eBay. Proceeds will go to a royal-supported charity
  9. 
            The Royal Wedding for Dummies
    9

    The Royal Wedding for Dummies

    $10


    An “if you’re going” guide to the ­festivities
  10. Masks
    10

    Masks

    $4.75 each

    The entire royal family is available. Camilla is included. Fergie is not
  11. Dog Shirt
    11

    Dog Shirt

    $36

    Even your pooch can get in on the celebration
  12. Cell Phone
    12

    Cell Phone

    $8 monthly plan

    The ringtone: God Save the Queen
  13. Knock-Off Dress
    13

    Knock-Off Dress

    $150

    A replica of Kate’s ­engagement frock.
  14. Cuff Links
    14

    Cuff Links

    $25

    Cuffs ‘N’ Collars’ contribution to the young-lust frenzy
  15. Crown Jewel ­Condoms
    15

    Crown Jewel ­Condoms

    $8 for three

    Heritage sheaths of distinction
  16. Knit Your Own Royal Wedding
    16

    Knit Your Own Royal Wedding

    $11

    What better way to kill time between now and Apr. 29?
  17. Commemorative Fridge
    17

    Commemorative Fridge

    Price based on model

    The photo is arguably improved by the water dispenser
  18. Press-On Nails
    18

    Press-On Nails

    $24

    A hard-core crown-watcher favorite
  19. Toilet Seat Cover
    19

    Toilet Seat Cover

    $16

    A rather ­unroyal take on the “throne”