Source: Boltwell, Wolfram, Preppi via Bloomberg

Insanely Fancy Emergency Survival Packs You Didn’t Know You Needed

Some of these go-bags are so luxurious, they cost thousands of dollars. The apocalypse never looked so chic

Being prepared never hurt anyone. Whether you need an emergency survival kit to get through a surprise all-nighter at the office or to live through the zombie apocalypse, a bag with some food, drink, and first aid supplies can come in handy. You could build your own, but that would mean missing out on the ridiculously luxurious options that are already pre-made. Below, the wildest (and most wildly expensive) survival kits on the market—and a few more reasonable options for those not so worried about the undead.

Minuteman IV

It doesn't get much more hardcore than the Minuteman IV.
It doesn't get much more hardcore than the Minuteman IV.
Source: Ready Store via Bloomberg

The Minuteman IV is for those who feel that being overprepared is close to godliness. The food and water have shelf lives of five years. There's a pair of tents and enough ponchos and hand warmers to protect against almost anything, along with pots for cooking and a nearly 300-piece first aid kit. (Bring your own doctor, though.) All in, there are enough supplies to keep four people going for a few days, stored in two matching backpacks. It's his-and-hers for the tough times. $749

Ulysses Tier 1 Disaster Relief Kit

The Ulysses Tier 1 Pet Essentials has everything for you, plus a furry friend.
The Ulysses Tier 1 Pet Essentials has everything for you, plus a furry friend.
Source: Just One Eye via Bloomberg

The folks at Just One Eye aren't messing around. The Ulysses Tier 1 (With Pet Essentials) survival kit is designed to sustain two people and a furry friend—a cat or dog, although we all know a dog is what you want in an end-of-the-world situation—for up to a week. High-tech gear such as personal water filters and a flash cooking system sit alongside luxurious touches like a cashmere blanket and organic toiletries. This is a disaster, not a Motel 6. $13,000

Wolfram Cabinet

The Wolfram Cabinet will turn your home into a fortress.
The Wolfram Cabinet will turn your home into a fortress.
Source: Wolfram via Bloomberg

No running for you. Your home is now a fortress and the Wolfram Cabinet its nerve center. The bright orange cabinet is delivered pre-stocked with more than 170 brand-name items ranging from a Coleman coffee pot to DeWalt saws and drills. The food supply has more than 100,000 calories, which should keep a family going for quite a while, and all the medical, sanitation, and shelter goodies to let you sit tight. If you want a mobile version, there's also the Wolfram Pack (at a totally reasonable $3,900), which includes a foldable solar charger and a two-person Marmot tent. $14,500

The Prepster

The Prepster is about as luxe as a survival kit can get.
The Prepster is about as luxe as a survival kit can get.
Source: Preppi via Bloomberg

Just because there's a natural disaster, it doesn't mean you're using store-brand moisturizer. The Prepster is a chic doctor's bag (monogrammable, of course) filled with things like a Malin+Goetz travel essentials kit, non-GMO meal replacement bars, and Marvis toothpaste. Sure, there's a tent, an LED headlamp, and a space blanket, but—let's be honest—you're finding the closest 5-star. And it had better have a view. $345

Z.E.R.O.

Hurricanes are one thing, zombies entirely another.
Hurricanes are one thing, zombies entirely another.
Source: Optics Planet via Bloomberg

If you've gone totally off your rocker (or just watching too much of The Walking Dead), there's the Z.E.R.O., which stands for Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations kit. Because "there's no room for error when dealing with the undead"—their words, not ours—the kit includes reinforced gloves, thermal and night vision scopes, a few knives, and nearly a dozen accessories such as laser sights and slings to make your firearm of choice more effective. Just remember: rations not included. $23,999

B*10 Must-Haves

The B*10 kit has all the basics you need.
The B*10 kit has all the basics you need.
Source: Boltwell via Bloomberg

OK, back to the basics. Even if you're not worried about a nuclear war, a bad thunderstorm can leave you stranded or wishing you had thought ahead. The Boltwell B*10 includes a water bottle with some filters, a weather radio, and the tools for starting a fire. Nothing crazy. You can keep the box under your desk without anyone staring. Boltwell also offers a ton of pre-packaged kits tailored to such events as tornados, floods, and biological warfare (that escalated quickly!), so you can get just what you need. $95

Bear Grylls Ultimate Kit

Good enough for TV, probably good enough for you.
Good enough for TV, probably good enough for you.
Source: Gerber via Bloomberg

Does your idea of a fun weekend involve mud, animals that can kill you, and a nasty sunburn? Good. TV survival guy Bear Grylls has lent his name and personal logo to a line of survival tools from knife-maker Gerber. The Ultimate Kit has a multi tool, a signaling mirror, waterproof matches, and a pocket guide of tips from the man himself. Plus it will fit at the bottom of whatever bag you're already carrying, so no excuses. $60

Survival Kit in a Sardine Can

You'll have to get creative to make this one work.
You'll have to get creative to make this one work.
Source: ThinkGeek via Bloomberg

Wait, you really don't have room for the Grylls kit? Fine. This one will fit in your pocket. The Sardine Can is waterproof, crushproof, and holds 25 (tiny) items that will force you to dig deep and find that inner Macgyver. A fishing hook, safety pin, tea bag, and piece of chewing gum might not sound like what you need when the world is ending, but then again, you're the person who won't carry more than a sardine can. $13

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