I turned with anticipation to "Valley of no dolls" (Working Life, Mar. 6) in hopes of learning more about the men living near me, and maybe how to meet some. I am a single, successful, attractive woman working in the Valley and spend time with my girlfriends asking: "Where can we meet some of these rumored single men looking for single women?"
Now my suspicions are confirmed: The men are working late, which makes them hard to find. To save time, they rely on dating services or the Web. But to many, looking online for a date is risky: Who knows who the person really is behind the handle? People can be anyone they choose on the Net, and frankly, e-mail as a way to start up a relationship is a cop-out. Young women (like myself) aren't yet ready to join services to meet people. What happened to striking up a conversation with a woman at a coffeehouse or in a store? Or meeting someone through a friend? These old-fashioned interactions make an impact--not the electronic word.
A note to the single men out here: Working hard is an attractive feature, but knowing when to let go, relax, and enjoy an evening out on a date is just as attractive. So come on out of your cubes and take a chance--we're out here. A line you drop at Il Fornaio just might work!
Menlo Park, Calif.
There are many unattached women in Silicon Valley who might be available for relationships. Unfortunately, we are not all pencil-thin and blonde. In my experience, many men believe that these are the only women of value.
If they truly want a relationship with a normal, intelligent, humorous woman-next-door, they should open their eyes and take a closer look at the woman working in the next cubicle or department or living next door and stop expecting a movie star to enter their lives.
Maybe from the twentysomething side of the fence things look interesting, but from the 30-plus end, things are pretty bleak. The women I know don't frequent bars or noisy nightclubs. We work hard all day. Early to bed, early to rise in order to kick off the workday. (O.K., to catch up on beauty sleep and avoid the horrendous traffic, too, but that's another story.)
The women I know are uncomfortable having to resort to arranged services to meet interesting men. It goes against the grain because it smacks of frustration and desperation.
I'm writing on behalf of myself and the other single, successful, and attractive 30+ and 40+ women I know in the Valley who are convinced that the statistics you cite are a dastardly alien plot to deceive us into believing that intelligent, nonhostile, amusing male life exists in this state, let alone on this planet. I want proof. Take me to your leader.
You identified a demographic problem in Silicon Valley as well as some commercial approaches to solving it. We believe that faith-based organizations can provide venues and services for singles who want to meet potential mates. Congregation Kol Emeth in Palo Alto offers a traditional matchmaking (Shadchan) service to all Silicon Valley Jews (see www.kolemeth.org/matchmaker.html). At a recent Shabbat dinner attended by more than 100 singles, about three-quarters were women. Where were the men? Probably too busy working on their startups. Send them to us!
Arthur M. Keller
Congregation Kol Emeth
Palo Alto, Calif.