Obama 2.0: You Can't Just Turn That Stuff Off

Humor

Thursday: Breakfast With Michelle and the Girls

Good morning? I don't think so, Malia. Is it a good morning for Linda Engstrom, a single mother of three in Cleveland who gets up at five to take four buses to a part-time job prepping the garnishes at Arby's? (Stay out of this, Michelle.) Is it a good morning for Jorge Maldonada, an unemployed steamfitter with gout in Miami and the father of two small boys? He gets up at four to take six buses to five job fairs.

Is it a good morning for Esmerelda Fabricante, a serial Pick Six loser who -- What are you smirking about, Sasha? Weren't you the one who just five years ago thought the Magna Carta was a superhero? Your mother and I are still waiting for your 5's to stop looking like S's. (Stay out of this, Michelle.)

Why don't you tell us, Sasha, about your plan to get the deficit to $400 billion and unemployment to 6 percent by 2015 without cutting defense so deep you'll be sharing that croissant with Hugo Chavez and Medicare so bad your kids will be twisting wire around broken glass for Vision Care? Go ahead, tell us. America is all ears for your plan.

Uh-huh. That's what I thought.

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Friday: Luncheon With AARP 

For all those reasons, I ask for your vote on Nov. 6. Any questions? Yes, ma'am, in the back, in the flowery dress. The yellow flowery dress.

Well, that's eight questions, and I'll take them in reverse order and skip five. Because I'm the president, that's why.

Eighth, yes, yes, for God's sake, YES, I am Israel's staunchest ally yadda yadda. Fifth, on your medical description, if you get to that point, ma'am, I don't think you'll need Medicare, I think you'll need a lethal injection, and we're out of that anyway.  

Yes, on the aisle, in the flowery -- with the aluminum -- you.

No, ma'am, not a "toke," I asked for your vote. Your VOTE. I WOULD LIKE YOUR VOTE.

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Sunday: Afternoon Walk With Bo

Heel, Bo. I said heel, Bo. (Crouching.) Bo, look at me. Do I look like I'm foolin' around today? 

Write to Peter Jeffrey at pjeffrey@bloomberg.net

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