June 6 (Bloomberg) -- What's hilarious about Adam Sandler's pelvic gyrations, un-P.C. barbs and hummus obsession? Taken individually, perhaps you could find something laugh-worthy in there; mash them together into a 90-minute movie and all you've got is an hour and a half of pathetic.

``You Don't Mess With the Zohan'' stars Sandler (who also co-wrote the movie with the ubiquitous Judd Apatow and Robert Smigel, of ``Saturday Night Live'') as an Israeli counter- intelligence agent who's really a pacifist and whose true passion is hairdressing. Fed up with miraculous feats of assassination and disco-dancing on the beach, he fakes his death and flees to America, where his goal is to work for his idol, salon king Paul Mitchell.

After a series of mishaps (including a scene with a spoiled brat in a tony East Side kids' salon that may actually win Zohan some fans), he finds work at a parlor run by a beautiful Palestinian woman (Emmanuelle Chriqui). She shares Zohan's dream of world peace but is skeptical of his motives.

Many mindless minutes are devoted to watching an oversexed Zohan please his aging female customers, which is only slightly less annoying than the movie's final scene, involving a possible corporate takeover and the sudden appearance of Zohan's arch- enemy, a Palestinian terrorist known as the Phantom. Lots of laughs there.

Even the versatile and entertaining John Turturro, as the Phantom, fails to save the film from being an almost totally brainless farce.

Perhaps Apatow needs a rest. He's worked on roughly a dozen movies in the past four years, and they're declining in quality. It's time, as well, for Sandler to recapture what made him a success back in his ``SNL'' or ``Billy Madison'' days, which seem long ago, indeed.

``You Don't Mess With the Zohan'' from Sony Pictures Entertainment, opens today across the U.S. Rating: (No Stars)

`When Did You Last See Your Father?'

``When Did You Last See Your Father?'' is the screen version of British poet and author Blake Morrison's bestselling memoirs, focusing on his conflicted relationship with his dying father. It's a moving and beautifully shot story whose sentimentality rarely swerves into self-indulgence.

An early scene takes place in the late 1980s with Blake (Colin Firth) receiving a prestigious award for a recently published book of poems; his father quickly boasts about never having read the rubbish and loudly laments the fact his son didn't follow in his footsteps by becoming a money-spinning physician.

Flashbacks

Shortly afterward, we learn of dad's impending death, and the rest of the film jumps from his father's hospital bedside to Blake's boyhood memories from the 1950s and 1960s. Alternately moving and embarrassing, the flashbacks are nearly all intensely emotional.

Jim Broadbent plays Arthur Morrison, an English-countryside doctor whose bluster brings out an offensive paternal gusto. He's the dad who gets his jollies by referring to his son as ``Fathead'' rather than acknowledging him as the literary wunderkind he is.

Much of Blake's unresolved hatred for Arthur comes from the years he spent parading his mistress in front of the family, and particularly Blake's mother (Juliet Stevenson). However, Arthur woos us just as he woos his family, by endearing us with his imperfections.

Firth gives a typically pensive performance; he has the potent ability to wordlessly convey inner conflict and agony. Matthew Beard, who plays the young Blake, shares Firth's ability to express a quiet, subtle intelligence but also does well as a rebellious and angst-ridden teen. In the end, however, they're both upstaged by the boisterous and improbably lovable Broadbent.

``When Did You Last See Your Father?'' from Sony Picture Classics, opens today in New York and Los Angeles. Rating: (***)

(Colin Firth talks to Rick Warner about his role in ``When Did You Last See Your Father'' on Muse TV this weekend. Check local listings).

What the Stars Mean:

****          Excellent
***           Good
**            Average
*             Poor
(No stars)    Worthless

(Morgan Grice is a critic for Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are her own.)

To contact the writer of this story: Morgan Grice in New York at mgrice@bloomberg.net.

Last Updated: June 6, 2008 11:28 EDT