Sept. 23 (Bloomberg) -- When John McCain struggled to answer a question regarding how many homes he owned, he was doing his best Todd English. ``I can't even remember them all sometimes,'' the celebrity chef said about his global collection of restaurants, while appearing on Bravo TV's ``Top Chef'' last year.

The James Beard Award-winning English has about 21 venues, including a Bonfire Steakhouse at New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport and an eatery on the Queen Mary 2 luxury cruise ship.

``Thank you for calling the Libertine by Todd English.'' That's how receptionists greet you at the chef's latest venue, lest you forget who exactly is churning out a few bites of gray, over-fried quail for $14. The restaurant is in the Gild Hall hotel in New York's financial district.

English was sitting behind me, relaxing with a group of female companions and publicly fulfilling his duties as one of People magazine's Most Beautiful People.

Yes, his jaw line is chiseled enough to shuck oysters, but it takes more than a name like English to make great British- American pub fare. He appeared to be in the kitchen earlier that evening. So why were my fish and chips soggy and underseasoned? Steak tartare was warm and textureless on another night.

Libertine is only about two weeks old, but how can a restaurateur with so much experience allow such mediocre fare? For me, the eatery works better when I forget the celebrity chef is involved; the name raises (or lowers) your expectations.

I try to think of Libertine as a respectable neighborhood joint for a good Manhattan (rightly stirred, not shaken) and fresh oysters (not too cold).

How about some more waiters? Our server doubled as the bartender. Many seats overlooked the hotel lobby. A separate room in front has a quieter feel.

Where Is It?

Pastrami-crusted beef had no discernable pastrami flavor, but the tenderloin had the gorgeous, spider-like marbling of a skirt steak. Fried oysters, covered in beef carpaccio and placed atop mashed potatoes, tasted little of the ocean, even less of steak.

``You might want to try something else,'' a bartender said when I ordered the Kobe pigs in a blanket. She was right. Mealy hot dogs were covered by mushy dough ($17). Caviar and lobster sliders were buttery and oceanic enough to warrant a second order. A crispy pork chop had much of the piggy flavor pounded out of it; the flattened dish was intensely salty. A fried egg and bacon bits lay on top. It's a greasy, albeit somewhat tasty treat for the saline-tolerant.

Try the spongy date pudding for dessert.

Starters range from $12 to $30; main courses, $17 to $28.

Libertine is at 15 Gold St., at Platt Street. Information: +1-212-785-5950.

Yawn

Apiary's most memorable attribute is its bar seats. That's how average this East Village venue is. The stools sink just an inch or so as you sit on them, then spring back up. They fascinated me for precisely 7 seconds. Then I wanted a martini to numb the boredom. But they only serve wine and beer here.

Welcome to Neil Manacle's solo debut (he previously worked with Bobby Flay). There's nothing particularly wrong about his New American offerings. It's just that almost every dish made me exclaim, ``Haven't I had a better version of this before?''

My crab cake tasted like every other in town. So did the fried calamari. The crispy squid came with the obligatory aioli and ubiquitous chutney (in this case, a peperonata). Tomato soup begged for a dollop of sour cream to keep the rampant acidity in check. Your mouth will pucker.

Fine Wine

Sleepy pork tenderloin was covered in a one-note fig glaze, slaughtering whatever pig essence might have been there in the first place. Halibut, moist and flaky, was a study in the ordinary; so was the overbraised, undersalted rabbit.

Crepes were bland and goat cheese cake was forgettable. Try the peach crisp: The heady fruit came through without excess sugar.

To be fair, there's a clever wine list, with 30 selections by the glass and many bottles under $40 -- try the hard-to-find Rkatsiteli for just $30.

Starters range from $8 to $15; main courses, $21 to $29.

Apiary is at 60 Third Ave., near 10th Street. Information: +1-212-254-0888; http://www.apiarynyc.com.

(Ryan Sutton writes about New York City restaurants for Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are his own.)

To contact the writer of this column: Ryan Sutton in New York at rsutton1@bloomberg.net.

Last Updated: September 23, 2008 00:01 EDT