Jan. 29 (Bloomberg) -- Irony might be the next logical restaurant trend. Food, after all, is getting smarter. Case in point: a new Pan-Asian eatery in Manhattan's Times Square. It's called Chop Suey. It doesn't sell any chop suey. Expect a New Yorker cartoon shortly.

What do they serve instead? Sous-vide poultry. Radish foam. Mushroom gruel. Wagyu beef. Is this what tourists want?

Times Square is where out-of-towners pine for the flashy and familiar. Olive Garden hostesses cited 65-minute waits on Friday. The wait for walk-ins at Chop Suey? Nonexistent.

That's fine by me, because this place serves better grub than it has any right to. Consulting chef Zak Pelaccio (the guy behind the spicy, unhealthy Fatty Crab) brings a competent American riff to Korean, Thai and Chinese flavors. Will Goldfarb (mad scientist-pastry chef-at-large) helps out with the sweets.

The venue is a small square box on the third floor of the Renaissance hotel. Times Square illuminates the dining room. Digital phosphorescence pummels your senses like a swarm of brand-name anglerfish glowing in the ocean deep. It's jolting, gorgeous, frightening. Hot pink leather covers the banquettes and chairs. Think ``Legally Blonde'' (the Broadway show across the street). For those who watch television, 12 video billboards outside can be viewed with perfect clarity. I stared at the Morgan Stanley stock ticker (made me dizzy).

TV Dinners

Money saving advice: Appetizers are cheaper than entrees but just as large.

Order the rice gnocchi. They're chewy, hefty. They stand up to a spicy, mind-numbingly porky Korean bolognese. Twice- caramelized swine sits atop sweet noodles, fragrant garlic, hot chilies. Rock shrimp -- crispy and barely cooked through -- balance sweet with heat and funky pork belly. If only takeout were this good.

Americans braise their short ribs. Koreans marinate them into submission, then char them on a grill. The juicy slices taste lean, so diners get a hock of heart-stopping marrow for lubrication.

Halibut is poached sous-vide (in a vacuum-sealed bag). The moist, mild fish soaks up a light-green curry. Avoid the lobster; $32 got us about five tiny, oversalted, butter-poached knobs.

Gruel? It's actually Chinese-style congee. Waiters compare it to risotto. Not true. It's closer to oatmeal. The tasty muck is studded with maitake, hon-shimeji and matsutake mushrooms. More porridge please!

Desserts were not up to speed. Smoked creme brulee tasted watery. A $13 coconut-sorbet cookie sandwich evoked a case of freezer burn.

Dinner for two cost $217.

Chop Suey is at the Renaissance Hotel, 714 Seventh Ave. at 48th Street. Information: +1-212-261-5200; http://www.marriott.com.

Soba Totto

If it's cooked, New Yorkers will eat it. If it's undercooked or raw, we'll eat it and pay even more. Go figure.

Rare steak and burgers, raw clams and oysters, swordfish sashimi, tuna sushi, steak tartare, cod carpaccio. It all works.

But not fowl. We cook our poultry through and through. So I was curious if anyone would order the rare chicken oysters (part of the thigh) at Soba Totto.

Result: sold out on Friday. So were other odd, more fully cooked parts. Like soft bones, knee bones, necks and tails. Only the hearts were available -- along with more common cuts. And by common cuts I mean livers and gizzards.

Expect very strong flavors and a very Japanese clientele at this new izakaya near Grand Central Station -- a place to wash down salty snacks with beer or sake. (There's a sister venue, Yakitori Totto, across town.)

Chewy Hearts

Totto looks like a sushi bar. Except the chefs wield sticks of land-roving flesh. They lay the morsels atop a charcoal grill. They sprinkle salt here. Pepper there. Everyone watches. I salivate. Ask for a seat at the blond counter. Order meat. Lots of it. Skewers are $3 or so.

Here's a chicken cheat sheet. Hearts: chewy and livery. Thighs: juicy and meaty. Skin: a fowl version of fried pork rinds. Meatball: medium-rare with a sweet, crusty sauce. Those rare oysters I snagged on a separate visit: slightly spongy, slightly bloody with a pure poultry taste.

Japanese buckwheat noodles (soba) are available too. They're still a work in progress, not as dense, dark or al dente as they should be.

Dessert? Clean, cold, apricot flavored tofu will make you reconsider soy-based puddings.

Dinner for two cost $85.

Soba Totto is at 211 E. 43rd St., near Third Avenue. Information: +1-212-557-8200.

(Ryan Sutton is a writer for Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are his own.)

To contact the writer of this story: Ryan Sutton in New York at rsutton1@bloomberg.net.

Last Updated: January 29, 2008 00:02 EST