Jan. 9 (Bloomberg) -- Finding the meaning of life is simpler than finding the meaning of Grayz, the half-lounge, half-restaurant conjured up by chef Gray Kunz.

You'll like the space, in an eminent midtown Manhattan townhouse once owned by the Rockefellers and made even more famous by the restaurant Aquavit. Unfortunately, that spot's most celebrated feature, an indoor waterfall, is no more.

You'll love the virtuosity of several dishes. After all, this is Kunz, as good as they come. A master of classicism, modernism, fusion, accents, layering and balance, there's not much he can't do.

You won't love the portions (minuscule), the prices (astonishing) or the jumble of disparate dishes (baffling).

You're certain to find something on the menu that fits your concept of a treat, be it the weisswurst (veal sausage spiked with pepper and herbs), the fried okra (though it's disappointingly soggy) or the crisp calamari rings (so sweet they could be mistaken for mini-doughnuts). Grayz is a rainbow coalition of cuisine.

But let's talk price-to-value ratio. You've surely seen those commercials that make fun of haute cuisine: Burly guy enters snooty restaurant, food arrives, cloche is raised, and there sits an entree the size of a snail. Food for leprechauns.

Living the Myth

At Grayz you live the myth: Order one of the small plates, the ``truffle-foie gras mille-feuille'' (which isn't a mille- feuille) for $22. Follow it with one of the full-size plates, the quail salad (which isn't a salad) for $29. You will have spent more than $50 for a couple of thimblefuls of protein.

Mighty tasty protein, to be sure. As I've said, this is Kunz. The ``mille-feuille'' is a few slivers of sauteed foie gras over creamy parsnip puree topped with chopped black truffles and curlicued parsnip chips. The ``salad'' is a half- quail atop bacon-scented lentils alongside a little pile of greenery, really a lettuce chaser.

Lovers of full-size fish will be equally flabbergasted. Perfectly grilled branzino comes in a lip-smacking beurre blanc that's light yet intensely flavorful. For $33, you get one modest fillet. Somebody else will spend $33 for the second half of your catch.

The other two full-size plates are a mysteriously flavorless duckling and your best chance of leaving the restaurant sated, braised short ribs with tarragon-horseradish sauce, a work of art. In complexity and satisfaction, this dish reminded me most of the Gray Kunz of Lespinasse, the chef we miss so much.

Cold Creamed Spinach

The small plates are the big disappointments. The signature oysters Rockefeller are cold, on purpose. I know nobody who admires cold creamed spinach. Squash soup is thin, offering little more than flavoring for submerged bits of crab meat. The partially deconstructed tomato ravioli cannot be consumed with the implements provided -- it demands a spoon. In its absence, I suggest lifting up your plate and slurping.

There are a few tricky presentations that do little but clutter too-small tables. Those oysters Rockefeller, for example, arrive in a contraption that resembles a pillory from colonial days.

The best appetizers are grilled shrimp, marinated Asian- style and topped with kaffir remoulade, and too-sweet smoked salmon, appealing nonetheless.

If you are fortunate enough to sit upstairs -- let's call that the first-class section -- you might enjoy Grayz. (The name, incidentally, is not a play on grazing, which you do here, but a contraction of the chef's name.) The decor is dated, rather mustardy, and accented with chandeliers suggestive of beaded evening bags. Still, the room, particularly when full, is rather merry. Even sitting at the bar is fun.

Warm Wine

Should you be led downstairs, run for your life. It's dark, depressing and cold. I ate downstairs on two of three visits, and I felt as though I was dining in a chocolate-brown, windowless house trailer. The staff is pleasant upstairs and down, but the waiters below have difficulty getting orders right and the proper chilling of wine is a challenge they have yet to master; my hands were colder than most of the white wine I drank.

Wines are -- no surprise -- expensive, though I was able to find one reasonably priced bottle in every category: For a sparkler, the non-vintage Pierre Moncuit Blanc de Blancs ($70); for the white, 2006 Naia Verdejo ($38); and for the red, 2006 Torbreck Woodcutter's Shiraz ($54).

The best of the desserts are the granitas (called granites here), a blood-orange version that accompanies the souffle and a ``citrus fruit panache'' that's mostly grapefruit-champagne granita with candied grapefruit and grapefruit peel, icy and sweet.

Granitas are typically useful as palate-refreshing postscripts to staggeringly large meals. They don't serve that purpose here.

One of my guests, as we were leaving, said to me hungrily, ``Can we go out now for a big plate of rustic food that looks like hell?''

The Bloomberg Questions

Cost? Prices range from $11 for fried okra to $39 for short ribs.

Sound level? Downstairs is often empty, so conversation is unimpeded; the noise level is considerable upstairs, but the buzz nicely drowns out the Muzak.

Date place? Downstairs is as much fun as divorce court. Upstairs, even at the bar, is just right.

Inside tip? The best deal by far is the $11 cheese course, perfect for two: nut bread; shavings of a pungent, Gruyere-style cheese; marinated veggies.

Special feature? One of the private rooms contains the old waterfall, now covered with leaves. Explore. You'll think you've found a lost jungle ruin.

Private room? All kinds.

Lunch? Yes.

Will I be back? My appetite is too large and my bank account too small.

Grayz is at 13-15 W. 54th St. Information: +1-212-262-4600; http://www.grayz.net.

Rating: *

What the Stars Mean

****         Incomparable food, service, ambience.
***          First-class of its kind.
**           Good, reliable.
*            Fair.
(no stars)   Poor.

(Alan Richman is the New York restaurant critic for Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are his own.)

To contact the writer of this story: Alan Richman at thecritic@optonline.net.

Last Updated: January 9, 2008 00:16 EST