July 31 (Bloomberg) -- Manhattan's Gramercy Park Hotel has no signs inside its lobby. Ian Schrager, the owner, never likes to make things easy.

Expect nothing less from the man who brought us Studio 54.

So here's a cheat sheet. Wakiya lies to the left. It's the red-hot Chinese restaurant that opened last week. Rose Bar -- also somewhat incognito -- lies to the right. The Private Roof Club is, well, on the roof.

It's all simple enough. But there's a more pressing dilemma. Can you get in?

Wakiya is where four scallops cost us $34. It's one of very few spaces in the hotel where walk-ins are welcome.

What's that flickering light?

``Paparazzi,'' my companion said flatly.

Cameras flashed outside the restaurant. Diners kowtowed to Food & Wine editor Dana Cowin. Kobe Club creator Jeffrey Chodorow got chummy with Schrager; the latter was dining in blue jeans and a white T-shirt. The rest of you might want to try a little harder.

Wakiya is dark, loud and crowded. It's more scene than cuisine. European-style house music thumps. A red-carpet walkway splits the long dining room. Low ceilings and dim lighting seem more fitting for a club.

Yes, there's food, too -- chef Yuji Wakiya's modern take on Chinese. Call it glorified carry-out, except there's not enough to bring home. Five to six plates make a meal for two. They arrive one at a time.

Dead Goldfish

Wakiya takes simple ingredients and makes them complicated.

Sea bass (moist and spicy) floats in a bowl of hot oil. You're given a strainer to scoop out the delicate flesh. It's like removing dead goldfish from a septic tank.

What's ``Fiery Pepper Hunt''? Small bites of lobster and crispy chicken are hidden under a gigantic mound of decorative dried peppers. Use chopsticks to hunt for the grub.

Four raw scallops glisten. How delicious! Then a waiter pours hot tea over them -- on purpose. Watch in agony as they overcook.

About six bites of Kobe-style beef costs $30. A $14 affogato dessert disappears in four bites. Our light dinner for two cost $219.

Rose Bar is where you can order a $350 bottle of Absolut vodka while ogling ``Damnation,'' Damien Hirst's kaleidoscopic panorama of butterfly wings behind glass.

It's where entry in the after hours is difficult.

Are You Worthy?

Submit an e-mail request (to rosebar@gramercyparkhotel.com) to get in after 9 p.m. If you're deemed worthy, you'll receive a reply. I have been deemed unworthy. Six times. Arrive early to avoid the doormen.

Rose Bar has a bohemian feel and $19 cocktails. It evokes Bemelmans Bar on the Upper East Side, except it's roomier and hipper and the art is more expensive.

Is that a Warhol above the pool table? Sure is. Is that a Picasso above the fireplace? Nope. It's a Schnabel. The fireplace burns, by the way. Even in July. (Air conditioning keeps the warmth in check).

Celebrities enjoy discretion -- perhaps because the artwork is more famous. A well-known television personality walked in with two much younger women. No one noticed.

Consider the pricey drinks as a fee to view fine art and play billiards -- the table is often free because other hip patrons are too cool for pool.

Thirsty? The bar handles tequila well. It's shaken with mango puree, strained and topped with cloves; the spice mimics the oomph of the earthy, aged agave. If you insist on bottle service, try the bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue; it's a relative steal at $525.

Drinks for two -- four cocktails plus service (which is included) -- cost $90.

Secret Garden

The Private Roof Club is where you can sip pricey potables under a chandelier that evokes ``Blade Runner.''

It's where you can't get in at all. That is, unless you fall into one of two categories.

Admission, or ``membership,'' as the hotel puts it, is restricted to guests staying overnight and ``the most influential individuals from fashion, art, entertainment, media and finance.''

I employed a simpler option. I followed hotel guests into the elevator and ascended to the roof.

The indoor-outdoor space sprawls across the 18th floor. Lounge chairs, creeping vines and citrus trees create a tricked- out-suburban-backyard feel. They distract from substandard views of the city skyline.

Yummy

Better to treat the roof as a museum. Stay inside and meander among the gorgeous interconnected rooms. There's more Warhol and a Hirst work called ``Dicyclohexylammonium Nitrate''.

Whatever that multisyllabic chemical compound is, I'm sure it tastes better than the rose-litchi martini. I should have emptied the saccharine concoction into a potted plant.

There's also a television room on the roof. Why? Who needs thousand-dollar flat screens when there's zillion-dollar artwork?

Drinks for two cost $45.

Gramercy Park Hotel is at 2 Lexington Ave., at 21st Street. Information: +1-212-920-3300. Wakiya reservations: +1-212-995-1330.

(Ryan Sutton is a writer for Bloomberg News. The opinions expressed are his own.)

To contact the writer of this story: Ryan Sutton in New York at rsutton1@bloomberg.net.

Last Updated: July 31, 2007 00:05 EDT