Dec. 25 (Bloomberg) -- The Singing Regulators aren't likely to get their own network television reality show. Still, about a dozen U.S. Federal Communications Commission staff members have developed a growing audience for their annual holiday version of telecom-style Christmas carols.

For the past 16 years, the carolers have jazzed up technology-heavy regulatory issues to poke fun at hot topics before the commission, which rules the nation's airwaves, where electronic gadgets compete for consumers' cash.

Topics of the seven holiday ``carols'' include the merger of satellite-radio companies and whether cable TV companies should offer a la carte pricing to consumers. The iPhone, BlackBerry and digital TV also got a capella treatment.

The staff has never lacked for material, writers or singers, said FCC spokesman David Fiske. When they first started their holiday gig in 1991, the songs included issues such as ``slamming'' -- as in big telephone companies stealing long- distance customers from each other.

The FCC was thinking then, too, about eliminating media cross-ownership rules, an issue that was still dividing the commission last week, and reallocating radio spectrum to new, emerging technologies, another one still on the agenda.

Live Performance

As in the past, this year's batch was performed for the five commissioners at the FCC's Washington headquarters.

The group went prime time, making its first public appearance before almost 1,400 people at the Dec. 5 Chairman's Dinner at the Washington Hilton Hotel. The event is sponsored by the Federal Communications Bar Association to benefit charity.

Here's a sample of the issues that inspired the songs, followed by the carols, edited for space:

Apple Inc.'s iPhone hit the U.S. market last June and took off, with more than 1.4 million sold through October. The Cupertino, California-based company is rolling out the device in Europe and is eyeing Japan. Earlier this month, Apple bumped up to five from three the number of touch-screen phones consumers are allowed to buy at the $399 holiday price. As the song points out, the device, wireless phone, IPod music player, and Internet gateway all rolled into one, is fully operational only with AT&T Inc. service.

Joy To The World (the iPhone's here)

Joy to the world, the iPhone's here; Of coolness we shall sing. Let shopping carts prepare some room, make way for a consumer boom. For a phone that does great things, Has a thousand clips and rings, A touch screen that's fit, that's fit for Kings. Joy is deferred, the masses sigh; Our plan's not A-T-T. And if we have to change plans soon, in order to download iTunes, Friends in-network won't be free, Calls on Metro we won't see, And we'll pay damn early termination fees.

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For the multitasker who needs to be plugged in 24/7, the BlackBerry, introduced in 1999, has been the best and worst of gifts. The newer models are loaded with features -- e-mail, browser, phone and organizer, camera, media player and GPS. Research In Motion Ltd., of Waterloo, Ontario, has shipped about 20 million handsets and has 12 million subscribers. For some, attachment to the device is so strong that they are known as ``CrackBerrys.''

Oh BlackBerry! (Oh Christmas Tree!)

Oh BlackBerry! Oh BlackBerry! Your keypad's so inviting When FCC needs urgently this e-mail I am writing... At any hour of day or night I can't avoid your message light. From Bureau Chief comes message brief Another draft I must rewrite. Oh BlackBerry! Oh BlackBerry! You're more than an addiction. Eternally attached to me, You're truly an affliction. Though your design is really swell, You've made my life a living hell. Restore to me my sanity Or you on eBay I must sell.

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Digital television is coming sooner than you think. On Feb. 17, 2009, analog television signals will disappear from the airwaves, to be replaced by a digital format. This will leave television viewers with several choices, according to rules set up by the commission. (Here, we get into those pesky acronyms.)

To figure out whether your set has a digital tuner, the FCC advises to look for labels that say DTV, ATSC, or HDTV. If it says ``digital ready'' or some such thing, you don't actually have a digital tuner. In that case, you need a set-top box that contains a tuner. Starting next week, Jan. 1, households with analog TVs without cable or satellite service will get a holiday gift from the federal government if they ask: as many as two coupons, worth $40 each, to buy converter boxes.

Away in a Farm House (Away in a Manger)

Away in a farm house, no show can I see. I lost all my coupons to get DTV. My friends in the city, they all said, ``Relax!'' That's easy to say when you're wired with co-ax. Looking for help, I went down to the store, I asked for more coupons, they just said ``what for?'' They sold me a monster, takes up my whole wall. I yearn for the days of my old analog. In Two- Thousand Nine after Super Bowl Week, My analog set will become an antique. I hope that the public will know what to do, For most of my neighbors do not have a clue...

To contact the writer of this column: Cindy Skrzycki at cskrzycki@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: December 25, 2007 00:01 EST