May 30 (Bloomberg) -- Say it won't happen. I keep reading that InBev NV, the world's biggest brewer, might try to buy Anheuser-Busch Cos., the U.S.'s largest beer company.

The thought of it brings out two deep prejudices -- against takeovers and in favor of Budweiser.

Mergers and acquisitions are exercises in building executive egos and Wall Street adviser fees. Their long-term value is suspect. There's nothing suspect about the taste of Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch's long-running big seller.

There are always cans of Budweiser in my refrigerator. Near the top of my wish list is a kegerator, which would let me dispense draft beer at home. This may sound like a free ad, but Anheuser-Busch doesn't need me; it controls half of the U.S. beer business.

InBev, based in Leuven, Belgium, has become the No. 1 global brewer through acquisitions in Canada, the U.K. and Brazil. InBev isn't so much a beer seller as what Deutsche Bank AG analysts Marc Greenberg and Andrew Kieley this week called ``an ever- hungry global deal machine.''

The bid of $46 billion, or $65 a share, that InBev is said to be considering for Anheuser-Busch is so high, the Belgian company would have to take an ax to the target company's costs to make it pay, the Deutsche Bank analysts said.

Would that mean a curtailment of the marketing budget for Budweiser, Bud Light and Michelob that has been the key to Anheuser-Busch's dominance in the U.S.?

Taste Test

A bigger worry is that InBev cost-cutting might interfere with the processing of Budweiser. What do these guys know about brewing beer? Heaven forbid that Budweiser ends up tasting like InBev's Stella Artois or Beck's, which have the bitter taste typical of European beers.

I know. I know. My distaste for Europe's brews marks me as hopelessly unsophisticated. Just give me watered-down American beer.

It's doubtful that InBev can offer Anheuser-Busch any real help. Beer consumption in the U.S. grows slowly. The St. Louis- based brewer has offset that partly by raising prices.

While Anheuser-Busch's 2007 profit of $2.1 billion wasn't much higher than the $1.9 billion of five years earlier, stock buybacks helped per-share earnings climb 27 percent to $2.79 from $2.20 in 2002. Anheuser's dividends have risen 11 percent annually the past five years and the stock now yields 2.3 percent.

Decision Time

If InBev does come calling with a firm offer, you wonder about the response of August Busch IV, Anheuser-Busch chief executive officer since December 2006, and of August Busch III, who ran the brewer for 27 years and is still a director. Anheuser directors and officers own 4.5 percent of the company's shares.

Other families whose names have been synonymous with companies for years are getting out. The Wrigleys want to sell their gum company to Mars Inc. The Bancrofts have sold Dow Jones & Co. to News Corp.

The main player in any run at Anheuser-Busch may be Warren Buffett, the boss of Berkshire Hathaway Inc., which owns a 5 percent stake in the U.S. brewer. If InBev offers $65 a share, Buffett, whose favorite drink seems to be Diet Coke, could get $2.3 billion for stock that cost Berkshire $1.7 billion.

Anheuser-Busch shares traded at $52.58 on May 22, before all the InBev talk started. The stock jumped to $58 the next day and closed yesterday at $56.55.

Wall Street takeover advisers already are saying that if Anheuser-Busch is in play, other beer companies will have to think merger in order to compete. If you can believe another of the anonymously sourced stories going around, InBev has also targeted London-based SABMiller Plc as an alternate buy if it can't get Anheuser-Busch.

Maybe all these stories will turn out to be fluff. Care for a Bud?

(David Pauly is a columnist for Bloomberg. Opinions expressed are his.)

To contact the writer of this column: David Pauly in Normandy Beach, New Jersey dpauly@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: May 30, 2008 03:48 EDT