July 12 (Bloomberg) -- The standard playbook for disgraced politicians is all too familiar. Apologies should be generic with no mention of a specific transgression. The voice should be passive. If your wife hasn't already filed for divorce, vow to spend more time with her and the children.

If everybody's still on board, humiliate them further by making them stand with you at your press conference. Bring God into it. Promise that next time you'll consult Him a lot earlier in the process and show gratitude for his commandment to your constituents about not casting the first stone.

The latest politician to consult the playbook is Senator David Vitter, a Louisiana Republican. He turned up in the proverbial black book of the alleged ``Washington Madam,'' otherwise known as Deborah Jeane Palfrey.

In a terse statement on Monday, Vitter said, ``This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling.''

That's confusing. (The playbook wouldn't have it any other way). Is he saying his business with the Washington Madam occurred several years ago, and his wife and God have already forgiven him? Or is he confirming a report in the Louisiana press published just before he abandoned a race for governor in 2002 that he was a steady client of a brothel in the French Quarter of New Orleans and was forgiven for that? The latter would imply that his earlier pardon covered future incidents.

Lorena vs. Hillary

I can't speak to divine intent, but I doubt his wife meant it that way. When asked by a Newhouse News reporter in 2000 whether she would be as understanding as Hillary Clinton should her husband ever stray, Wendy Vitter said: ``I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary. If he does something like that, I'm walking away with one thing, and it's not alimony, trust me.''

If she meant what she said, maybe her husband is off nursing a critical wound to his manhood. He's certainly nowhere to be found, failing to show up at any scheduled events on Capitol Hill since he left the floor of the Senate on Monday.

Vitter, 46, is the first member of Congress to be nailed by the madam. Earlier this year, Assistant Secretary of State Randall Tobias resigned after saying he used the madam's services for massages. Tobias was a preacher of abstinence only as head of the global AIDS initiative and decried how prostitutes were spreading the disease.

`Morally Unfit'?

Just as it isn't the heat but the humidity, it's not the sex but the hypocrisy that gets politicians in trouble. Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt, who has a copy of the madam's files, says he will only expose those politicians who preach one thing and do another.

Vitter falls into the preacher category. A favorite of President George W. Bush, he called for Bill Clinton's impeachment on the grounds he was ``morally unfit to govern.''

One of the small ironies in Vitter's exposure is that he came to Congress in 2000 after Speaker-to-be Bob Livingston abruptly quit the House over a sex scandal. Livingston was replacing Newt Gingrich, who had resigned in the midst of prosecuting Clinton for having an affair with a young staffer while himself having an affair with a young staffer. Vitter prospered by pushing issues such as abstinence and traditional marriage. He won a Senate seat in 2004.

Mrs. Vitter's colorful candor is in short supply in Washington. The first casualty of being an official here is the ability to say what you think. There was a more important version of the affliction on display on Tuesday when Bush's most recent surgeon general, Richard Carmona, told a congressional committee that he'd rarely spoken his mind in four years on the job.

Off the Reservation

The White House scrubbed his speeches of all mention of stem-cell research, the perils of abstinence-only sex education, and emergency contraception. That's because his views were at odds with the ones held by Bush, which were ``driven by theology, ideology and preconceived beliefs.'' He was encouraged to mention Bush three times on every page of a speech.

Too bad Carmona waited so long to confirm what we suspected. For Bush, pushing an agenda means controlling his appointees and their language.

Anyone who disagrees with Bush's policy in Iraq is putting ``our troops in jeopardy.'' Domestically, emergency contraception is akin to abortion. Hundreds of thousands of frozen embryos forbidden to be used for stem-cell research yet destined to be discarded are actually ``snowflakes,'' his name for the few children conceived using excess embryos.

Faith-Based White House

Running a faith-based, rather than a fact-based, White House gives the administration a lot of room to describe the world as it wants to see it. Just this week, citing his ``gut,'' Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said he has a ``feeling'' al-Qaeda is about to strike us again soon. It's summertime, you see, their favorite season for mayhem.

And I have a feeling the White House wants to jack everyone up into a pass-the-duct-tape red alert to divert attention from Republicans on the Hill abandoning a sinking ship.

I don't expect Mrs. Vitter to be so candid this time around. She's now a Washington creature, more likely to be channeling Hillary than Lorena. Perhaps as she stands by her husband, she will blame a vast left-wing conspiracy for his troubles.

Vitter ended his statement by calling on the Almighty again, saying he will discuss the matter further only with God and his family. How is it that from televangelist Ted Haggard to the page-stalking Mark Foley, God comes in after the fact?

If things really get bad for Vitter, he can go into rehab for a condition thematically related to his offense and really start praying.

(Margaret Carlson, author of ``Anyone Can Grow Up: How George Bush and I Made It to the White House'' and former White House correspondent for Time magazine, is a Bloomberg News columnist. The opinions expressed are her own.)

To contact the writer of this column: Margaret Carlson in Washington at mcarlson3@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: July 12, 2007 00:18 EDT